Red Flags or Walls?



“I know this is cliche, but I need to take a raincheck on tonight?”


“What do you mean by that? Something has come up and I really can’t make it!”


You can feel the frustration and disappointment coming through the phone.  The slow response mixed with the forever seeming dot dot dot that lingers before someone sends you a message.

I’m here again. I’m back at this same place. I found a nice person to talk to, and I back out. I am the one that had to take a raincheck.

What is the big thing that came up? My sister came to town to visit me with no notice, she’s from South Dakota and there is so much that we need to catch up on. We haven’t talked in months.

Was it true? No. 

I talked to my sister yesterday and her weekend was packed with family outings and appointments. What is my reason for acting like a ‘typical girl and blowing someone off?’

Red flags.

Personal walls.

I couldn’t decide.

Picture it, my apartment December 3rd…

I decided to put Tinder back on my phone and within minutes we had liked each other’s account. We began chatting and hit it off right away. A week later we were still talking and wishing each other a happy morning and a good day. Two days ago he started saying, “so I have something to tell you.”

I’m Indian.

OK? I’m white. What’s the big deal? Is this a fact I need to know, because it will matter if we get together, should I prepare for your family only wanting you to be with an Indian woman? What is the set up?

He explained women had stopped talking to him because of his nationality. I informed him I am attracted to people, not nationalities. With relief he began texting even more and we started sharing likes and dislikes, then another, ‘I have to tell you something.”

I’m separated.

As in not yet divorced. OK…Ok…I can work with that. I know a lot of people in relationships that have ended and the legal process takes a while. We talked about it and moved on.

Then he would say again, “I have something to tell you. I own my own bowling bag.”

Was he testing me? Was he sharing all these truths because he wanted to cover up the real issue? Were these red flags?

I laughed it away, but in my head I thought, how can I date someone who has their own bowling bag? That’s just weird.

Flash forward to last night as I fell asleep in my rocking chair like grandpa at 8 p.m. I drifted away to what our date would be like the following night.

We would meet, have a social exchanges, play some bowling, I would win. He would cry. It would be great. However, this morning when I woke up I just knew I had to cancel the date. I don’t know if it was red flags during our texting or if it was due to my own insecurities of dating. Starting over, having the first meeting, who buys, how much of my personality do I let out, how do we end the night, how do I make him respect me, does he find me sexy, etc.

Red flags or built up walls.

How do you know which is which. I watch so many T.V. shows where woman go on a date and end up murdered. While watching I get frustrated at all the red flags they over looked. How do you know the difference though between a red flag and walls that built around you to prevent from getting hurt.

Walls that will prevent another ‘one that got away.’ Walls that will prevent another agonizing crying session that lasts for weeks because your heart was truly broken. Walls you put up after you wiped away the last tear and told yourself you would never get hurt again.

Walls or Red Flags?

I may never know…


Copyright of Kristin Marthaler 2017


9a78b6fb851083b2e23ffb9f8c1863a4“Just one more,” I think to myself.

“Okay, that doesn’t quite do it for me, one more please…” I mutter under my breath.

These words come to me after four to five hours of binge watching Netflix. Let’s be real, sometimes it’s up to 12 hours. But for the purpose of people judging me, let’s stick with four to five.

My problem isn’t a lack of ambition, lack of hobbies, or a social disorder. My problem is I actually think my life is what is happening on Netflix.

First show binge; Scandal. Ohh this one was good. Was about five years late to the game but that made watching every episode that much better. It also made shutting it off at 2 a.m. that much harder. But, what I did learn while watching this series, is I now have what it takes to run the country. Yes, you heard me. I learned about back of the house deals, how to manipulate people and that I am untouchable. Man it feels good!

Meanwhile, I brought out the trash today and as I went to throw it in the bin, I hear a commotion, as my trash bag goes airborne through the air and “Clunk!” into the bin, a GIANT squirrel jumped out and almost killed me. What did my dog do? Run. That little four legged ‘protector,’ RAN. Followed by me.

My second binge show; Prison Break. This too proved to be a good watch, pretty sure it is what happens on the back end of everything that was going on in Scandal. Conspiracy? I think so. During this show I realized my potential to break out of any building, trap or situation. I know how to think five steps ahead of everyone. Nothing was a surprise during the show, I saw it all coming, because I too am brilliant.

Meanwhile, I got out of my car yesterday with the seatbelt still fastened.

I may have a few obstacles in my way before I run the country or create a prison break, but, it’ll happen. You wait.

Current Binge; Locked Up Raw. Thinking about getting a pen-pal.


“You’re so lucky you are single!”

If I had a penny for every time I heard that…



Let me give you just a little blip into the life of a single person. A single person in 2017.

Granted, I am in this place because I focused on my career first, and while working on myself, I wasn’t prepared to let someone truly get to know me. I do take some responsibility for the predicament I am in.

However, with that being said, I’m about to spill it out for you.

Choosing my future husband is down to a technological science. No, it’s not a bunch of algorithms I pay hundreds of dollars for, I’m talking an application on my phone where I can literally swipe left or right to say hello to my future.

Thus in turn forcing me to judge someone on their looks and limited profile. Sometimes, you get to swiping so fast you pass someone you actually want to meet but you already swiped left and it’s over. You don’t get that chance again. Their gone. Forever.

Reasons to swipe left:
♣ Pictures of only their children – I’m not dating them, I’m dating you.
♣ Group photos – Which one are you? Usually not the one we think.
♣ Pictures holding a fish – We get it, you fish. It’s Minnesota, everyone does it.
♣ Outdoor pictures – That’s great you are on the top of a mountain or riding bike through the dessert, but I will not be there with you.
♣ You don’t show your teeth – I need to know what I’m working with.
♣ Your profile says – Just looking for friends, FWB or Open Minded. AKA means your    married and you are open to the idea, but I’m pretty sure your wife isn’t.
Reasons to swipe right:
♣ None of said items above are shown in profile.


That’s how I choose.

It’s not chemistry, it’s not best pick up line, it’s not knowledge of common friends, it’s a pure 3 second judgement that decides my fate.

“How about you go out and meet people!” 

That has been my life for the last umpteen years; be out and about, recruiting, talking to people, getting to know people, if I didn’t meet you then, you can come find me now. I’m tired. I don’t want to meet someone at a bar and have “that” conversation with them. I don’t want to hear someone put their foot in their mouth while trying to start a conversation with me. I don’t want to pay for your meal because I need to prove women are equal. I’m over it.

So I think what I have concluded in writing this blog, is I’m burnt out from dating. I’m taking a break.

Oh man, did that really just come out of my mouth?

“When you least expect it to happen, it’ll happen,” said every friend I ever had.

(Me Currently) Waiting.

Copyright by Kristin Marthaler ©

Lost Control

You don’t understand, the power you have over me

A simple glance, a sideways smile, a joke that is beyond bad

All moments, every instance, the world stops spinning for just a minute

The world is swirly, my stomachs whirly my mind can’t finish a thought

Every second waiting for that moment seems like eternity 

Why these moments are controlled by you, I have no idea

I am strong, I am confident, I am in charge of who I am

Until you walk by, undo what’s done and make me lose my mind

Text to the Heart

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When ‘Hi’ leads to ‘where have you been all my life?’ 

When a snap leads to smiles

When eyes pierce the soul

When lives were intertwined long ago

Where does one go from here

What road is paved for greatness

How do you rid the mind of ‘why not then’

How do you stop the heart 

Digging deeper beyond your soul

finding strength from somewhere within

There are no signs on the road ahead

merely pebbles that are out of place

Find your heart, find the path

Listen to your mind, listen to others

Follow your dreams, stumble and fall

Seek the doubt, find the truth

Never lead with your heart, always use your mind

Find the resilience from angels

Same routine every day, every time

This time the frog must leap

From lily to lily, heart to heart

One must simply be

Lust does not choose its victims 

For the victims asked to be found

Those who fight what the heart wants

are being summoned by those who beckon

One must follow the mind, not let others in

Always protect the walls that were built

Let the walls tumble, brick by brick

Allow the mind vacation from the monotony

Encourage demolition

Enable to heart to lead

For once the mind has stepped away

all truth is allowed to shine

Only then will everyone know

What I see when I look in your eyes

Copyright Kristin Marthaler 2017

Deuces 2016!

fullsizerender-12Dear 2016, 

Tonight as I sit down in my half broken recliner, cover up with a blanket my sister made, and watch my dog huff at the window wanting to attack a squirrel, I think about you. I think about what you have brought me this year and what you have taken from me. Oh the great things you have taken from me!

Originally I started this letter to tell you of my disgust for you. How you have taken things from me that can never be replaced. How you have beaten me down within an inch of life. I wanted to share how great it would be tonight to forget you. What it would feel like to drink away your memory. Rip your chapter out of my diary.

I wanted more than anything to say goodbye to you with middle fingers flying high in the air, while Beyonce’s, I’m Not Sorry, is blaring. I would march off into the night certain I had told you off and 2017 would never treat me the way you did.

The only problem with that 2016, is that what I’m mad about, are mostly my actions. Some circumstance with life, and some where cause and effect. I could blame everything on you, but you see, you are not where the problem lies.

You gave me a year of family and friends. A year of employment and a roof over my head. You gave me a year of growth, humility and reflection.
So while I also have strong hatred of you, I thank you 2016. Because of you, I will be grateful for every little moment 2017 has to offer. Because of you, I will recognize greatness when it comes. Because of you, I am stronger.


To be

It’s 45 minutes past the end of my shift. Questions keep coming from staff and my brain is on overload. I try to respond, I try to be enthusiastic, I try to be

I go into the back break room and find three loads of laundry just sitting there. 

Looking back I’m shocked on my immediate response I thought to myself. “Wow, my team has worked hard today!” 

This for me is growth. Five yeas ago I would have thought, “wow, am I the only one that works around here!?”

Now I see; dozens of facial and massages that have been completed. Towels and blankets washed by the hands of breadwinners of their family. Items placed in a blasket while they plan their children’s supper for the evening. 

You see this pile of towels represent teamwork, passion and tenacity. I’m in awe of how hard my team truly works to make others feel healthy, pain free and back to their old selves. 

After that, I simply folded the towels, put them back into their place and humbly went home. As I drove a thought crossed my mind, “I wish I had my teams drive, passion and tenacity.” 

They look to me for answers, guidance and stregnth. Little do they know, I get it from them. 

Little but Mighty

As I leaned over the sink to put the last dish in,  a tear fell to join it. It caught me off guard, why would my tears be falling. I don’t hate dishes THAT bad.

Then another, and another. The last few months flashed before my eyes and a feeling of failure, disappointment and regret filled my mind as more tears began to fall. Normally I fight it, tell myself big girls don’t cry and stop the feelings. This night, I let them fall. I needed it. I needed this moment to myself, to let myself feel.

This year has been rough. I started a new career, lost one of my favorite cousins in the world and witnessed a friend dealing with cancer first hand.

After the tears have fallen. I give myself three minutes. I focus on the positives; I have a new great career, I now have the most adorable guardian angel and my friend is able to still walk and they will beat this.

This blog is more for me than it is for you, I need to remember why I had a rough year, yet it was one of the best.

  1. My little sister got married.
  2. Reunited with my best friends from college.
  3. Hung out with great friends in SD and some new additions!
  4. Had a great ladies night with Robin, Lauren, Dani and Valera.
  5. Jets Pizza wished me a Happy Monday.
  6. When you go out with Abby, it means something a little different when it comes to dress code.
  7. Our growing family with the addition of Scott and Bria.
  8. My lovely cousin Mandy allowing me to take pre-baby pictures with her.
  9. Taking Ryan and Jayshawn to the State Fair. This is after Ryan chose less rides in order to bring him along.
  10. Jim jumping in the ocean after his open heart surgery.
  11. Great friends who were co-workers and are so much more.
  12. Abby and Jessie’s ability to not have correct accents.
  13. My cousin Phillip and Kelley getting married.
  14. Getting to know all my aunts and uncles on a whole new level in Mexico.
  15. Watching Sue and Jim – always will be big brother and little sister.
  16. All the moments I had with Miss Lou.
  17. Almost sinking in a boat. But I saved our lives.
  18. Getting re-aquainted with my dad. Don’t recommend 7 days straight in same room to do it. 🙂
  19. Friends who inspire me to be better.
  20. Cousins who are best friends. They knew your childhood and still love you.


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Happy Holidays!

The holidays are here! For those of you that aren’t cool enough to get one of these in the mail – here is Sammy and I’s Christmas card! Love from us to you!



Previous years:


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Bah! I am done! I am done with it all! 

As some of you know, I have been trying to lose weight this recent year, and so far, I have gained five pounds. So it’s working well (insert sarcastic laugh).

I was cleaning out my first aid, turned pill, bin this evening, as suddenly I was motivated to clean. Most pills in the bin were expired in 2010, some in 2008, however I, at some point, felt I may need them in the future. While going through the expired pills, my pile for weight loss pills grew…and grew…and grew.

It hit me. Here in front of me are the 11 times I tried to lose weight over the last couple years and failed. Never stuck to it. Some I even tried twice, I apparently lose things, that are where I put them, because some weren’t even open.


Eleven times I told myself I need to lose weight and gained 5 pounds.

Eleven times I failed.

Eleven times, I had no self control.

Most of you have been there, you feel defeated and feel like it will never change. The scale never seems to rewind, only goes in fast forward. When you are ready to make a change, it’s the holiday’s, you’re on vacation or it’s…Monday.

In no way am I comparing myself to skinny people or thinking I’m to fat to live life, not at all. I am happy with my life.

I’m not envious of skinny women. I am envious of the fact that they have more self control than I. Envious that they have more determination and strength than I. Instead of that inspiring me, I eat a bag of Oreos to cope. When will this roller coaster end? When will enough be enough?

I know my weight is an issue for dating, I love myself and my body, but the eye is only attracted to certain things. My weight is covering my winning personality right now. (Two thumbs up doing the happy dance.)

It’s a struggle. It’s real. It’s hard. I cope by saying, “if he doesn’t love me big, he will never know how to love me.” When really I want to say, “I can’t eat responsibly for 30 days straight and that is my problem.”
Looking back at the times that I have failed,  it’s probably more than eleven. It’s like drinking, after a bad night, you are like NEVER AGAIN! Then Tuesday happens and you need a beer to get through the next few hours of life.

So I am going to try something different. I’m calling it the 3 – 6 – 9 Plan. I will eat well for three days, track it. Have one day off. Eat well for 6 days straight, track it. Have a day off. Then eat well for 9 days straight, track it. Did I just make this up? Hell ya. But it’s something I am going to try and I will do whatever it takes to get back on track.

And if I make it to 9 days, well I’m going to be famous because that worked on my lazy bum and I’m going to market it! 

Send positive vibes!

It starts right now!