Squirrel

9a78b6fb851083b2e23ffb9f8c1863a4“Just one more,” I think to myself.

“Okay, that doesn’t quite do it for me, one more please…” I mutter under my breath.

These words come to me after four to five hours of binge watching Netflix. Let’s be real, sometimes it’s up to 12 hours. But for the purpose of people judging me, let’s stick with four to five.

My problem isn’t a lack of ambition, lack of hobbies, or a social disorder. My problem is I actually think my life is what is happening on Netflix.

First show binge; Scandal. Ohh this one was good. Was about five years late to the game but that made watching every episode that much better. It also made shutting it off at 2 a.m. that much harder. But, what I did learn while watching this series, is I now have what it takes to run the country. Yes, you heard me. I learned about back of the house deals, how to manipulate people and that I am untouchable. Man it feels good!

Meanwhile, I brought out the trash today and as I went to throw it in the bin, I hear a commotion, as my trash bag goes airborne through the air and “Clunk!” into the bin, a GIANT squirrel jumped out and almost killed me. What did my dog do? Run. That little four legged ‘protector,’ RAN. Followed by me.

My second binge show; Prison Break. This too proved to be a good watch, pretty sure it is what happens on the back end of everything that was going on in Scandal. Conspiracy? I think so. During this show I realized my potential to break out of any building, trap or situation. I know how to think five steps ahead of everyone. Nothing was a surprise during the show, I saw it all coming, because I too am brilliant.

Meanwhile, I got out of my car yesterday with the seatbelt still fastened.

I may have a few obstacles in my way before I run the country or create a prison break, but, it’ll happen. You wait.

Current Binge; Locked Up Raw. Thinking about getting a pen-pal.

3-6-9

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Bah! I am done! I am done with it all! 

As some of you know, I have been trying to lose weight this recent year, and so far, I have gained five pounds. So it’s working well (insert sarcastic laugh).

I was cleaning out my first aid, turned pill, bin this evening, as suddenly I was motivated to clean. Most pills in the bin were expired in 2010, some in 2008, however I, at some point, felt I may need them in the future. While going through the expired pills, my pile for weight loss pills grew…and grew…and grew.

It hit me. Here in front of me are the 11 times I tried to lose weight over the last couple years and failed. Never stuck to it. Some I even tried twice, I apparently lose things, that are where I put them, because some weren’t even open.

ELVEN TIMES!

Eleven times I told myself I need to lose weight and gained 5 pounds.

Eleven times I failed.

Eleven times, I had no self control.

Most of you have been there, you feel defeated and feel like it will never change. The scale never seems to rewind, only goes in fast forward. When you are ready to make a change, it’s the holiday’s, you’re on vacation or it’s…Monday.

In no way am I comparing myself to skinny people or thinking I’m to fat to live life, not at all. I am happy with my life.

I’m not envious of skinny women. I am envious of the fact that they have more self control than I. Envious that they have more determination and strength than I. Instead of that inspiring me, I eat a bag of Oreos to cope. When will this roller coaster end? When will enough be enough?

I know my weight is an issue for dating, I love myself and my body, but the eye is only attracted to certain things. My weight is covering my winning personality right now. (Two thumbs up doing the happy dance.)

It’s a struggle. It’s real. It’s hard. I cope by saying, “if he doesn’t love me big, he will never know how to love me.” When really I want to say, “I can’t eat responsibly for 30 days straight and that is my problem.”
Looking back at the times that I have failed,  it’s probably more than eleven. It’s like drinking, after a bad night, you are like NEVER AGAIN! Then Tuesday happens and you need a beer to get through the next few hours of life.

So I am going to try something different. I’m calling it the 3 – 6 – 9 Plan. I will eat well for three days, track it. Have one day off. Eat well for 6 days straight, track it. Have a day off. Then eat well for 9 days straight, track it. Did I just make this up? Hell ya. But it’s something I am going to try and I will do whatever it takes to get back on track.

And if I make it to 9 days, well I’m going to be famous because that worked on my lazy bum and I’m going to market it! 

Send positive vibes!

It starts right now!

 

-KJM

Pride, Passion, Progress

Today on the way to work, tears began to fall. I couldn’t quite pinpoint mentally where they were coming from or why they were coming on now. I was in a good mood, ready for work and going about my daily business. As I drove the pain grew within my chest and my mind immediately floated to Pride weekend. This weekend the LGBTQ community will celebrate their lives, their freedom and celebrate history being made.

They will also be reminded of the 50 lives lost in Orlando. Just as I was this morning.

What happened in Orlando hasn’t hit me until now. I’ve spent my working career trying to keep separate empathy versus sympathy. You need to understand, but your heart doesn’t have to break with theirs. This time was different, this time it did. This time it hit too close to home.

Growing up in a small town, LGBTQ community was something you heard about on TV. It was definitely not something that happened in our town. If it was happening, it was rumors and the talk of the town, it wasn’t a normal way of life. I can’t say that our town was against this lifestyle, I believe we just had a lack of knowledge.

I learned so much when I went off to college, as most do. It was eye opening. I am one where, once I understand an idea, concept or difference, I am on board. Ninety nine percent of my own problem was I just never understood. Didn’t understand wow it works, how it happens or the history behind everything. Once I learned, I accepted and I moved on.

In my world, gay and lesbian couples can marry, it’s now a law. I feel the whole world should be on board. However, I can see both sides of the argument for and against, but at the end of the day, it is not your life, it is not your marriage, it does not matter what others do.

This year a friend disclosed not everyone knows they are a lesbian, because it’s not widely accepted yet.

That broke my heart.

Another friend said he kissed his boyfriend in public for the first time since coming out.

It warmed my heart and broke it at the same time.

People are people. Love is love.

Tears began to fall.

This weekend in the cities is the Pride Festival. Same celebration that happened in Orlando. Same belief of people who were killed. Except this time, it involves friends. It is too close to home. I am absolutely terrified for all of my friends going this year. I can’t imagine my life without any of them. They have made me a better person for knowing them and not because they are part of the LGBTQ community, but because they have more strength and determination than anyone I have ever seen. Because they always extend a hand first and foremost. Because they know who they are and stand behind every ounce of themselves.

Can you even say that? I don’t even know if I have that much belief in myself.

Safe celebrations to everyone who celebrates this weekend. The world is with you, the world is behind you. Live. 

Annual Cousin’s Weekend

Another Annual Cousin’s Weekend is in the books!

This year we chose a 1920’s theme. The entire event centered around a speakeasy and the prohibition area. We added a murder mystery to spice things up!

Abby: Escort
Becky: Elvis
Jessie: UFO Lover
Lizzy: Elvis Hater
Emily: Dancer
Mandy: Voice Coach
Kristin: Bouncer
Allison: Reporter/Investigator

The storyline – Elvis impersonator is a headliner at the casino. The voice coach is upset they wouldn’t get divorced so she killed him. We had a great time trying to figure out what people were male or female, we just went with it.

We made Emily Elvis so she didn’t have to act. She died like a pro!

Afterwards, we all did nails, chatted and ate 1920’s themed food.

Here are some pictures!

Memorial Weekend

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Tonight I sat on the couch, having a glass of wine, waiting for you to come home. You always burst through the door with a huge smile and yell, “honey I’m home!” Tonight you won’t. 

Every morning you and I would sit on this porch swing and look at the neighborhood children playing. We would dream about our future and how many children we would have. This morning, we won’t. 

Every night before you would go to bed, I would kiss your forehead and tell you I love you and that I am the luckiest mother in the world. Tonight I won’t. 

You would watch me work on my old Impala, grease from head to toe. You would ask me a million questions about why I am doing what I am doing, what goes where and if we know how to put it back together. Today you won’t. 

“I love you and miss you like crazy,” I would say on Skype. You always responded with, “I love you more.” Tonight you won’t. 

Tonight as you kiss your child on the forehead and whisper goodnight, say a prayer for those who have taken flight.

Remember the true meaning of Memorial Day this weekend. It’s not about a three day weekend, getting the boat out or having a bonfire. It’s about all the parents that will no longer tuck their kids into bed. All the wives that no longer have husbands and all the men that lost their daughters. This weekend, we remember and salute the fallen.

        Copyright 2016. Written by Kristin Marthaler

Choices; I’m makin’ them!

Sometimes it can be hard to think at the end of the day.

I have decided to take it choice by choice. Moment by moment.

(And no, I don’t know why I tell you the day and time, as if you follow every second of my life. Hehe)