Deuces 2016!

fullsizerender-12Dear 2016, 

Tonight as I sit down in my half broken recliner, cover up with a blanket my sister made, and watch my dog huff at the window wanting to attack a squirrel, I think about you. I think about what you have brought me this year and what you have taken from me. Oh the great things you have taken from me!

Originally I started this letter to tell you of my disgust for you. How you have taken things from me that can never be replaced. How you have beaten me down within an inch of life. I wanted to share how great it would be tonight to forget you. What it would feel like to drink away your memory. Rip your chapter out of my diary.

I wanted more than anything to say goodbye to you with middle fingers flying high in the air, while Beyonce’s, I’m Not Sorry, is blaring. I would march off into the night certain I had told you off and 2017 would never treat me the way you did.

The only problem with that 2016, is that what I’m mad about, are mostly my actions. Some circumstance with life, and some where cause and effect. I could blame everything on you, but you see, you are not where the problem lies.

You gave me a year of family and friends. A year of employment and a roof over my head. You gave me a year of growth, humility and reflection.
So while I also have strong hatred of you, I thank you 2016. Because of you, I will be grateful for every little moment 2017 has to offer. Because of you, I will recognize greatness when it comes. Because of you, I am stronger.

KJM

To be

It’s 45 minutes past the end of my shift. Questions keep coming from staff and my brain is on overload. I try to respond, I try to be enthusiastic, I try to be

I go into the back break room and find three loads of laundry just sitting there. 

Looking back I’m shocked on my immediate response I thought to myself. “Wow, my team has worked hard today!” 

This for me is growth. Five yeas ago I would have thought, “wow, am I the only one that works around here!?”

Now I see; dozens of facial and massages that have been completed. Towels and blankets washed by the hands of breadwinners of their family. Items placed in a blasket while they plan their children’s supper for the evening. 

You see this pile of towels represent teamwork, passion and tenacity. I’m in awe of how hard my team truly works to make others feel healthy, pain free and back to their old selves. 

After that, I simply folded the towels, put them back into their place and humbly went home. As I drove a thought crossed my mind, “I wish I had my teams drive, passion and tenacity.” 

They look to me for answers, guidance and stregnth. Little do they know, I get it from them. 

Little but Mighty

As I leaned over the sink to put the last dish in,  a tear fell to join it. It caught me off guard, why would my tears be falling. I don’t hate dishes THAT bad.

Then another, and another. The last few months flashed before my eyes and a feeling of failure, disappointment and regret filled my mind as more tears began to fall. Normally I fight it, tell myself big girls don’t cry and stop the feelings. This night, I let them fall. I needed it. I needed this moment to myself, to let myself feel.

This year has been rough. I started a new career, lost one of my favorite cousins in the world and witnessed a friend dealing with cancer first hand.

After the tears have fallen. I give myself three minutes. I focus on the positives; I have a new great career, I now have the most adorable guardian angel and my friend is able to still walk and they will beat this.

This blog is more for me than it is for you, I need to remember why I had a rough year, yet it was one of the best.

  1. My little sister got married.
  2. Reunited with my best friends from college.
  3. Hung out with great friends in SD and some new additions!
  4. Had a great ladies night with Robin, Lauren, Dani and Valera.
  5. Jets Pizza wished me a Happy Monday.
  6. When you go out with Abby, it means something a little different when it comes to dress code.
  7. Our growing family with the addition of Scott and Bria.
  8. My lovely cousin Mandy allowing me to take pre-baby pictures with her.
  9. Taking Ryan and Jayshawn to the State Fair. This is after Ryan chose less rides in order to bring him along.
  10. Jim jumping in the ocean after his open heart surgery.
  11. Great friends who were co-workers and are so much more.
  12. Abby and Jessie’s ability to not have correct accents.
  13. My cousin Phillip and Kelley getting married.
  14. Getting to know all my aunts and uncles on a whole new level in Mexico.
  15. Watching Sue and Jim – always will be big brother and little sister.
  16. All the moments I had with Miss Lou.
  17. Almost sinking in a boat. But I saved our lives.
  18. Getting re-aquainted with my dad. Don’t recommend 7 days straight in same room to do it. 🙂
  19. Friends who inspire me to be better.
  20. Cousins who are best friends. They knew your childhood and still love you.

 

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Happy Holidays!

The holidays are here! For those of you that aren’t cool enough to get one of these in the mail – here is Sammy and I’s Christmas card! Love from us to you!

 

 

Previous years:

3-6-9

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Bah! I am done! I am done with it all! 

As some of you know, I have been trying to lose weight this recent year, and so far, I have gained five pounds. So it’s working well (insert sarcastic laugh).

I was cleaning out my first aid, turned pill, bin this evening, as suddenly I was motivated to clean. Most pills in the bin were expired in 2010, some in 2008, however I, at some point, felt I may need them in the future. While going through the expired pills, my pile for weight loss pills grew…and grew…and grew.

It hit me. Here in front of me are the 11 times I tried to lose weight over the last couple years and failed. Never stuck to it. Some I even tried twice, I apparently lose things, that are where I put them, because some weren’t even open.

ELVEN TIMES!

Eleven times I told myself I need to lose weight and gained 5 pounds.

Eleven times I failed.

Eleven times, I had no self control.

Most of you have been there, you feel defeated and feel like it will never change. The scale never seems to rewind, only goes in fast forward. When you are ready to make a change, it’s the holiday’s, you’re on vacation or it’s…Monday.

In no way am I comparing myself to skinny people or thinking I’m to fat to live life, not at all. I am happy with my life.

I’m not envious of skinny women. I am envious of the fact that they have more self control than I. Envious that they have more determination and strength than I. Instead of that inspiring me, I eat a bag of Oreos to cope. When will this roller coaster end? When will enough be enough?

I know my weight is an issue for dating, I love myself and my body, but the eye is only attracted to certain things. My weight is covering my winning personality right now. (Two thumbs up doing the happy dance.)

It’s a struggle. It’s real. It’s hard. I cope by saying, “if he doesn’t love me big, he will never know how to love me.” When really I want to say, “I can’t eat responsibly for 30 days straight and that is my problem.”
Looking back at the times that I have failed,  it’s probably more than eleven. It’s like drinking, after a bad night, you are like NEVER AGAIN! Then Tuesday happens and you need a beer to get through the next few hours of life.

So I am going to try something different. I’m calling it the 3 – 6 – 9 Plan. I will eat well for three days, track it. Have one day off. Eat well for 6 days straight, track it. Have a day off. Then eat well for 9 days straight, track it. Did I just make this up? Hell ya. But it’s something I am going to try and I will do whatever it takes to get back on track.

And if I make it to 9 days, well I’m going to be famous because that worked on my lazy bum and I’m going to market it! 

Send positive vibes!

It starts right now!

 

-KJM