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Why We Need Best Friends!

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I have been fortunate enough to have several best friends in my life, past and present. I was thinking today about all of them and how truly amazing they are. I sometimes get jealous of those who have 20 friends around them all the time, but then I remember, I have like 5 kick-ass best friends. So boom! Mic Drop.

When I think about my awesome best friends, here are things they have said to me that makes them go from friends to BEST Friends. Forever. For eva? For eva eva.

When I Say….

My Best Friend Says…

I really like this guy, why does the pretty girl always win?

He plays video games, you hate guys who play video games!

I gotta pee, bad!

Do it inside the house this time!

Who wants pizza?

I’m in, your milk is in the fridge.

Can I sleep over at your house this weekend?

Duh.

Ug, today was rough!

You should go buy a purse.

Hey.

Want some pizza?

What are you doing this weekend?

Whatever you are doing.

What should I do when I grow up?

Move back to Watertown. Period.

Like my hair?

Your hair isn’t naturally wavy honey, let me fix it.

Why won’t he love me?!

You’re drunk, let’s talk about this in the morning.

Love Needs a Direction Label

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Everyone has someone that is no longer in their lives they wish were. There are also people in our lives that we don’t want in them, but keep for some reason. Life is a mystery. The part of life I don’t get is why we have regret, why do we have remorse, why do we wish we could undo past decisions.

Back in the day, post walking to school uphill both ways in two feet of snow, I fell in love. It was the real kind of love. You loved that person, their family, their life and you wanted the best for them. You dream about having a future together, what your kids would look like and where you would live.
Then things go rocky and you break up.

Looking back, it was my naivety on why things ended the way they did. It is the same reason why we got back together three more times. This kind of love can’t be forced, but when is it too much? When should you stop trying? When is it time? Do you give up when it gets hard? Do you give up when you feel you are the only one in love in the relationship?

Love needs to come with a direction label.
All those questions are the same ones I have asked myself every day. It’s been over seven years. Why is he still on my mind daily? Why do I get a gut ache when I think of him and his new wife? Why do I compare everyone I meet, to him?

I don’t know. I don’t have the answer. I wish I did. I wish I could get over it and move on. Side note, this is progress, I’m admitting it.

I think part of the progression of moving on is realizing it is time to get over it.

At least that is what I keep telling myself.

Maybe the next time my sister tells me she saw he is expecting a child, it won’t cut like a knife.

Maybe the next time someone mentions his name I won’t hold my breath.

Maybe the next time I won’t softly cry at night thinking about what could of been.

Or maybe next time, I won’t make the mistake of letting him slip away.

Things I Hope You Never Have to Learn

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Top things I learned from living in a hospital for a week:

  • There are SOME good shows on during the day
  • Germs are everywhere, the floor is the worst
  • You really can sleep anywhere and in any position
  • Debbie is not Perfect Patty, but she is Debbie Right
  • Hospital food is not that bad
  • There are nurses that studied and nurses that are from their heart and soul
  • My little sister is an amazing woman
  • You turn into little children and your mom is NOT impressed
  • You find things funny, that are not even remotely funny
  • You don’t fire on all cylinders making conversations difficult
  • Everyone has an opinion
  • You can get whatever you want to eat as a patient as long as it is healthy
  • They allow rehab dogs at the hospital. Sammy would not be a good fit.
  • Seeing a familiar face means the world
  • Leaving the hospital is like after riding a boat, you still wait for a nurse to walk in
  • The music stations on the TV are VERY loud
  • Bring running shoes if you are at the St. Cloud hospital, food is like a mile away
  • They won’t deliver food to your room unless you are a patient
  • Don’t laugh loud, though it cures your ailments, it disrupts the patients and they close the doors on you
  • A tired sister means a karate chopped throat
  • I snore

New Normal

4:54 p.m. My phone rings.

It’s my mother.

“She never calls before 5 p.m.,” I think to myself.

I answer, she says “how’s it going?”

“Fine.” Just say it already.

“Well not so fine here, Jim is in the hospital. They think he had a heart attack.”
That’s the moment my life changed, went in another direction, again. My heart sunk, my throat felt thick, I couldn’t swallow. I had to leave and I had to see him. But first, I had to find Jessie. Jessie needs to be there. She is a pro at not returning/answering phone calls, so I made sure to leave an impression when telling her to reach us. I believe it was maybe too strong, by the time I reached her she was bawling. I did my best to undo the damage and tried to calm her down even though I too was scared out of my mind.

My mom had us talk to Patty. “They are taking him to St. Cloud as a precaution. Breathe, drive careful, we don’t want anyone else in the hospital ok?” Her words, same to each of us, calmed us down and we were on our way to meet him. She does a perfect job at calming people down.

St. Cloud is about an hour drive from where I work. I spent the entire time crying, and whenever I thought something negative, I chewed myself out and said, “That won’t happen to Jim. Jim is strong. Jim is our rock. Nothing can hurt Jim.” I repeated that to myself for the rest of the trip.

I used the time walking into the hospital from the parking lot as my time to get it together. Many people have these situations every day, I need to hold it together. Be strong.

I saw a lady at the front desk and she said, with such a caring tone, “How can I help you?”

I lost it. I completely lost my shit! “My dad had a heart attack and they are taking him here and I don’t know where to go or where they are bringing him. My mom said a big word, it started with T. T –  E – R- I think!”

She kindly placed her hand on my shoulder, said she didn’t know what that was, but we would find a solution.

The gal I met next was Grandma Gretchen, Grandma I and Jane (all past loved ones) rolled into one. She calmly walked me to the Telemetry unit (apparently no R in the beginning). Walked me through what was probably happening, how it would go and kept remaining calm. After the walk to the north end of the hospital, felt like a mile, I was at my destination. She made sure the nurse knew I was there to see Jim and even checked with the ambulance to see where he was at. For that walk, information and caring gesture, I will be forever grateful.

My goal for the next, however many hours, was to be the rock for my family. When he arrived I greeted Jim with a smile. Even took a picture of him on the gurney. Anything to keep his mind off of things. Family arrived very quickly after and we all hugged and the world didn’t seem so lonely.

The next morning, we were going down for a routine Angiogram. They would put a few stents in if they needed to, other than that, no big deal.

It felt like we were about a half hour in and the doctor came out. “Triple bypass” is all I heard him say. At that moment, you can no longer hold it together. You hold your family and you cry. The next few moments, hours and days were a blur. He ended up having a five way bypass. Not something that you would expect to happen to an all around happy man.

Now we learn to live a new normal. Again. It’s what we call life.

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The shoes, connect to the feet, connected to the legs, connected to the body, connected to the heart and minds of those who love and pray. Not a single shoe rested until the thumbs up came in ICU.

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Side Note:

None of this would be possible if it wasn’t for family, prayers, positive thoughts and friends supporting our family. Jim is healing quickly, kind of like superman. The scars will always be there, but the pain will slowly fade away. You never know until you go through something like this what it truly feels like. I hear of bypasses all the time. I think, ‘oh dear.’ Not anymore. I also want to give a special thank you to those who visited us in the hospital and comforted my mother, told Jim to stay strong and gave great hugs. You matter, you made a difference, thank you.