New Soul

Portrait of a baby with a curious expression!

You may have heard the term reincarnation or ‘old soul’. The term is used to describe someone who knows what to do in life, they have been around the block. It is like they have lived a lifetime or more already and know how to figure out their own path.

I used to joke that I am an old soul who would fall for someone telling me to come into an alley, and then I would get robbed.

Then I realized, I am a new soul. I have no idea what is going on. I don’t know what I am supposed to do, how I should respond to things or what feelings I should have.
Everything I learn, it’s like I’m learning it for the first time. I remember when I was growing up and I found my little sister would get up in the middle night and make some food. I WAS SHOCKED!! You can’t get up in the middle of the night, mom said, ‘see you in the morning.’ Not ‘see you at midnight for a snack.’ What was she doing!

She never got in trouble. I was baffled. Interesting fact, to this day, she is a night owl.

Anyways, back to me.

The point of bringing this up, is I owe some people an apology. I am not the first to admit when I am wrong, nor agree with someone when they point out that I am wrong, but there are a few instances where I feel it’s warranted. I’m sorry, I’m learning.

Being a sister. I don’t know how to be a sister. I used to have slumber parties with my older sister, switch rooms, steal her clothes and do things normal sisters did, but then after her accident, that all went away. She slept all the time. Then, there was this new baby in the house, and since I wasn’t the baby anymore I just straight up decided I didn’t like her. Now I’m learning to love her and realize she is my best friend in the entire world. We have late night chats, know each others thoughts and can fight and make up within seconds. It’s something I have learned, because she has shown me the way.

Being a good daughter. I have had a lot of anger toward my real father for not being there when I was little. I carried that into my adult life and projected my anger in times when he tried to show he was making effort. Since I’m so stubborn, I wouldn’t admit that it was okay to give someone a second chance. Though I am not 100 percent there, I see what you are doing, I see that you are trying and I’m trying my hardest to open my heart. Life is about second chances and recognizing when someone is trying and putting effort forth.

Being a friend. I go through phases of suffocating you with love and then not talking to you for weeks. I don’t know how to call weekly and catch up. I don’t know how to keep relationships going that are long distance. I get jealous when you talk to someone else, because I love you so much as a friend. Do I just tag you in Facebook posts? Send you cards? Call you on your birthday? I have no idea! This is still a massive work in progress. 🙂

Being a leader. I love groups, I love organizations, I love helping people grow. I really struggled with the proper way to do it when I first started managing. There were a lot of great employees I lost because I didn’t know how to communicate with them. I am learning. Every day there are moments that make me smile inside knowing I helped someone reach a goal, or I see them reaching their full potential.

Being a woman. Now don’t get me wrong, I know what it is to be a woman. I’m talking about loving who I am, what I have and what I will be. I like me. I like who I am, and I know I possess a lot of potential. But it is something I had to learn over a long period of time. I had to learn it is okay to take care of yourself, it is okay to say ‘no’ when you are at your limit, it’s okay to be vulnerable and it’s okay to be hard headed.

There’s so much to learn when you are a new soul in the world.

Wish me luck 🙂

Lots of love,

KJM

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