Wish it Was a Lie

onlinedating

Now that I am back from my writing hiatus, I figured I would start this blog answering the age old question. Though my friend Codi so politely told everyone at my 30th birthday that I was a lesbian, I am not, and that is not what I’m talking about.

So many people ask me why I’m not dating, why am I single, what’s wrong with me?
The issue is dating in 2015, at 30+ years old, is hard! You are right in the middle of, ‘they just got married or just got divorced,’ they are focusing on their career, like myself or they have horrible game (boring). Also, you have to keep their attention through texting long enough to have a date, where you find out how you feel about them. Let alone if it is the real person that’s been texting you.

To have some fun with this, I thought I would share with you the top ten auto responses I have to send those who message me on dating sites:

  1. No, I am not Bi.
  2. No, I do not want a three-some.
  3. Yes, I do have a problem dating you if you have a girlfriend.
  4. No, I am not a stuck up B**** for not responding to your pickup line of “Nice tits, wanna F***?”
  5. Sure, I am positive, I don’t want to see a pic of your manhood before I learn your last name.
  6. I’m looking for a relationship, not a long term friendship with benefits.
  7. I don’t want to meet you for our first date at your house. Alone, with no one else around.
  8. I don’t have kids. I have a dog. That doesn’t make me weird.
  9. When you say you are a southern gentlemen, just to clarify, that doesn’t mean hitting on women while you are married. There is noting gentlemanly about it.
  10. I don’t know why I’m single, because I’m so beautiful. I’m as confused as you are! Trust me, I don’t get it either.

I wish these were made up.

– KJM

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